“Would you be friends with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself?”
I say some pretty awful things to myself at times. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a narrative in my mind 24/7 telling me I’m [insert anything one could criticize themselves about] and that I should be farther along or better at [plug in literally all of the things]. Until recently, when my husband, Colin, tactfully told me that I was robbing myself of joy with the language I used about myself. He helped me understand that there is so much power in the way we speak to ourselves. Colin’s relentless pursuit of self-awareness, well-being, and inner peace has really been inspiring. Since taking his advice under advisement (definitely rejected it for a long time because #burnout culture really is treated as a badge of honor in corporate America), my life has exploded in the best way possible. Never been happier or satisfied with my progress/trajectory.
A few things I’ve learned along the way that may help you recognize when you are in need of self-care or require immediate action to protect your mental wellbeing – especially on your trek to becoming the ultimate #1 fan:
Self-compassion is the foundation upon which everything else is built.
When you extend yourself grace, you’re better able to show up for others and provide the support they need. It’s about recognizing your own value, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and prioritizing your own well-being.
Humans aren’t machines. Make time to take care of yourself.
Try not to forget that you, with your infinite wisdom and skill, are not a machine. Burnout is real and has a special way of causing people to implode at inopportune moments. Choosing to spend time doing something with the explicit purpose of seeking restoration is paramount to your success on and off the green. Invest in yourself by prioritizing activities that nourish your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Don’t forget to think about the little kid inside of your heart.
A reservoir of perspective and grace can be found in acknowledging how proud your younger self would be of where you’re at today. Blown away, probably. Your younger self can be the 4th grade Life Touch photo version of you or the “you” three years ago, mid-2020 covid, sanitizing groceries and finding novelty in Zoom happy hours. You may not have accomplished all you’d hoped to by now and that’s okay. You’ve probably done a hell of a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Reframing your thinking from putting yourself down at every turn to expressing gratitude, recognizing your growth, and avoiding self-loathing will free up so much of your mental capacity, it will change your life.
Periodically ask yourself: Would you be friends with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself?
Going to make a sweeping assumption here and say no. You wouldn’t. It’s not in your best interest as a future #1 Fan/Ultimate Hype person to treat yourself with anything but kindness, practice positive self-talk, and prioritize self-compassion because doing so matters and has far reaching effects in every area of your life.
No matter what your work culture or social circle dynamic is like, stop with the self-deprecating humor. Now.
Whatever you believe you will gain in social currency from putting yourself down in front of others, you’re wrong. It’s more harmful to your growth and directly undermines your credibility. Avoid making this your default method of connecting to others at all costs. If you glean nothing else from this blog, it’s this part.
Celebrate your accomplishments.
Time is the only thing we can’t get back. Recognize the ROI on the transactions you make every day with your time. Minimizing the time and effort you placed into accomplishing something is arguably self-destructive. If you are uncomfortable speaking about your own accomplishments, Google some ways to talk about your achievements in a manner that doesn’t feel gross/cringy. And yes, there absolutely is a way to not sound like a pretentious, self-promoting clown while doing so.
Ask yourself this question when you’re upset about failure: Have I put in the work or practiced [XYZ] enough to be this angry with myself?
Answering this question quickly course corrects my line of thinking and aids in managing my unreasonable expectations. Golf, for example, is a sport that requires a high level of technical proficiency, and as such, it offers a vast range of opportunities for personal development. From a psychological perspective, golf is an ideal vehicle for developing character and building resilience because it can eat you alive in a physically taxing and emotionally violent manner. Can you be angry when you’re terrible, yes. Do you practice enough to justify belittling yourself, probably (definitely) not.
Hoping these thoughts can help you on your path to being your best self and the ultimate #1 fan! Each key area has played an important role in my personal and professional development. Looking forward to sharing next week’s post with you, beautiful birdies!
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